Just As I (Wish I Could Say) I Am

For the last several years, I have been privileged to be the song leader for various seminars held at 'The Billy Graham Training Center at The Cove.'  In addition, I have been blessed to play at special 'Christmas at the Cove' programs hosted by Cliff Barrows, with George Beverly Shea providing cameo performances.  I have been blessed by the opportunity to partner with these amazing men, along with their impressive wives.  My wife, Jennifer, and I even had the joy of meeting and ministering with Dr. Billy and his estimable bride, Ruth, who has since gone on to her eternal reward.

'The Cove' is the gift of the Graham's to the body of believers, dedicated to train people in the scriptures in order to share their faith with a needy and sin-sick world.  It also serves as a place of rest and refuge for the family of God, where everyone is treated royally, like children of a king, (which indeed they are)!  The hallways are filled with pictures depicting the life of Billy Graham, from past to present; display cases show mementos from their years of ministry; the decor reflects Ruth Graham's desire to make everyone who visits feel as if they are in their family home.

Should you ever decide to go there, you'll be fed with the finest of food; not only the culinary delights, but also the sumptuous servings of the Word of God, in which is our true delight!  All this will be experienced in the most beautiful of settings, the rolling hills of Asheville, North Carolina!

I have so enjoyed my continuing sojourn with the good folks at The Cove. It is, indeed, as close to heaven as one can find on earth!

There is only one problem I have when I am there.  I find myself surrounded by the evidences of Dr. Billy's 'life well lived!'  It is awe-inspiring to trace the history of what God has done with and through him these many years. One can only marvel to observe what can be done with and through a person wholly given to the Lord and His Gospel!  (And that is only the 'witness' of The Cove; there is a whole library in Charlotte testifying to the life of this ambassador for our Messiah, his family, and his ministry partners!)

My problem?  I can't help looking at my life in the light of what I see there...and it's sometimes painful to consider!  (As we say where I come from:  Oy vey!  That's Yiddish for, 'woe is me!')

The good news is that Dr. Graham never takes credit for his historic life; he always gives glory to God, exhorting people to think on what God--not he--has done.  Even his autobiography bears the title, 'Just As I Am,' taken from the hymn by Charlotte Elliott that says:

'Just as I am, without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me.'

With this title, Billy Graham is communicating to all of us that it is only the sacrifice of the savior, Yeshua (Jesus), that has made us acceptable to the Lord.  None of us can glory in ourselves; only in Him who has saved us and sanctified us and 'delivered us from the power of darkness and translated us into the kingdom of the Son of His love!'  (Colossians 1:13)

Still...I can't help wondering if my life could have been...and could be... more fruitful, more effective for God, if only...(fill in the blank)!

Will my biography be titled: 'Just As I (Wish I Could Say) I Am?

That remains to be seen!  These day I lean hard on the promise that states: 'He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Yeshua HaMashiach (Jesus Christ)!'  (Phillipians 1:6)

However, I thought I would simply share some of my thoughts with you, my friends, with whom I have not communicated for a long while!  (Sorry!)  With these musings, I hope to 'nudge' myself into sharing some more in the days ahead!

Pray for Dr, Graham and his family; the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and the Cove; and would you please pray for me!

Jenny and I, along with our daughter, Misha, would covet your prayers, and we thank you for your faithful interest in what we are doing.

In the meantime, I will meditate on a 'hymn' from our CD, 'Hope of Glory':

'Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.'   Psalm 90:12

'Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Yeshua from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Messiah Jesus, to whom be glory forever and ever, Amen.'  (Hey, that scripture is sung on 'Hope of Glory' as well!)

Please forgive the shameless plug!!

Thanks for listening!!

Just As We Are,
      Shalom,

           Marty (and Jenny) Goetz

"I Love you, Tommy!"

"A good name is better than precious ointment, And the day of death than the day of one's birth; Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart." (Ecclesiastes 7:1-2)

The phone call came, as all such calls do: suddenly, unexpectedly, unnerving. My wife answered and screamed, "No, no, that can't be!", stomping her feet and shuffling backward; wide-eyed, as if she were attempting to flee from something horrible. And indeed she was.

On the line was John Coates, who wanted to know if we had heard about Tom. We had not.

John informed us that Tom Howard, our mutual and beloved friend, had suffered a heart attack and passed away. We didn't think he was lying---but we didn't want to believe him.

Jennifer rushed to the computer and checked Tom's facebook page. Already, there were postings of condolences and words of sympathy to his family. We were shocked and saddened. We still are.

In the midst of an ordinary day---Jenny and I were cheerfully making our bed when we got the news---our world was shaken. It's still shaking.

In fact, I haven't even been able to write anything about it. Even now, I feel inadequate to express myself in a way that would, either sufficiently express my heart, or properly honor my buddy, Tom. Allow me to simply share a few thoughts.

For two weeks, (he passed away on Friday, January 29th), there has been a hole in the soul of Nashville, Tennessee, at least for the many here who knew and loved Tom. There is a palpable sorrow in the hearts of his friends; they are bewildered by this sudden and tragic loss. In the days following the news of his death, we have shared much with his family and friends; an evening of remembrance, a Sunday service at the church where he served as an associate music minister, a moving memorial service and numerous conversations, recalling life with Tom---and contemplating life without him.

Jenny and I already miss him. Tom was a bit of a night owl, Many evenings he would drop by our house, just to talk and eat and laugh. Often, my wife would go to bed and Tom and I would stay up late, discussing anything and everything; arts, family, politics, popular culture, theology. Sometimes he would fall asleep on our couch and I would stay awake until he awoke and I could send him home!

Any time spent with Tom was a joy. He was hysterically funny, deeply thoughtful and amazingly insightful. He had the soul of a poet and could paint vivid pictures with his words, leaving you in awe at his eloquence---then crack you up with some goofy remark, accompanied with some strange, indescribable vocal affectation! When he would leave our house, I would always feel grateful for such a friend. However, I must admit, there were times when I would tell him I was too tired to get together. Fortunately, he had numerous others with whom he could hang out. Still, I would give anything for one more impromptu visit.

For you who know us and the work we do, you will miss him too, whether you know it or not. You see, Tom has been producing and arranging our music for over twenty years! We were friends in Los Angeles and our first project together was "I Call You Friend." Jenny and I were amazed at what Tom was able to do. We never ceased to be amazed.

Jennifer says he was 'the music behind my songs.' He invested himself so completely into everything we did. An inspired pianist and composer in his own right, Tom orchestrated and conducted our recording sessions as if the songs were his own. One of our greatest thrills was going to the studio and waiting for that first downbeat. With a wave of a baton, he would create a masterpiece around the sketch of my compositions, filling them with color--- and us with excitement.

He would accomplish all this, seemingly effortlessly, quietly going about his business with skill, excellence and loving care for the music. That is something I will miss so much: the love he had for what we were doing and the passion he expressed in helping bring it to fruition.

Tom was an encourager. He would give me insights into my own work that I either didn't see or fully appreciate. He made me feel that I was an important artist with a significant contribution to make to the world. (Often, I didn't share that opinion but his eloquent affirmation had a way of trumping my own insecurities!) That gift he gave me is precious and irreplaceable.

There is no other way to say it. This is a huge loss, not only to Jenny and me, but also to everyone who knew and loved Tom. His memorial service was packed with friends, family, artists, musicians, all fellow travelers with this most unique, inspiring and lovable man. The sanctuary at St. Bartholomew's was filled with beautiful music from the choir and various artists with whom Tom worked---including yours truly; I sang Psalm 23.

What was particularly stunning---and moving---was the music that Tom had written himself, underscoring the entire service. It would have brought a smile, (or embarrassment, knowing Tom), to hear the people whom he loved--- and who loved him---singing his songs. It was as if he was with us---yet, conspicuously absent.

In the fellowship hall afterward, there was a slide show of his life accompanied by yet more of his music, the sharing of stories and tributes, and a nostalgic rock and roll set by some of his brilliantly talented buddies. When it all wound down and came to a reluctant end, we all dispersed into different groups, talking late into the night about Tom, not wanting to say a final goodbye.

Tom is still alive in his wife, Dori, his daughter Katie and his son, Joseph. Their words for him that day were a beautiful declaration of his success as a husband and father. He would have been so blessed to hear that. No one was more dedicated to seeing his family prosper in every way; yet he struggled with his own ability to accomplish that. They, of course need your prayers.

He is alive in his music: his solo piano recordings, the gorgeous string arrangements he provided for countless artists and projects, and, of course, our albums. We will, of course, continue to produce our music; but we don't yet know how we will do it without Tom. (You may pray for us, as well.)

It's snowing here in Nashville as I write this; it was snowing the day Tom died. I spoke to him that morning. We were experiencing a rare snowstorm which was turning everything white, an unusual occurrence in this part of the country. I commented to Tom that it looked like Minnesota. Tom and Dori were from Minnesota, and decided that day it would be fun to go for a walk in the park with some friends. Tom never returned from that walk.

We like to think that God provided a touch of home for the day of Tom's going home. Wouldn't that be just like our Father?

Jenny tells me that, at the end of my phone conversation with my friend, on what would be his last day with us here, I said before I hung up, "I love you, Tommy!" I will be forever grateful that I said those words!!

Tom deserved to be loved---and he was.

We will not see his like again.

And yet---one day---we will! I'm looking forward to that.

Thank you, Lord, for our brother, Tom Howard.

And thank you all for allowing me to tell you a little bit about him.

Love,

Marty

GPS (G-d"s Positioning System)

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (Psalm 16:11)

Jenny and I recently purchased a Garmin. We bought it in Los Angeles during the week of orientation for my daughter's freshman year at college. We thought a "global positioning system" would come in handy on our trips to California for both ministry opportunities and visits with Misha. Now we can navigate our way through any city or state... (while also making it possible for any overarching authority in the country to keep track of us; but I digress!)

The system is helpful, especially when it is not safe to attempt reading a map while driving. A calm and confident female voice tells you where to go and, if you miss a turn, simply says, 'recalculating.' She never yells at you or calls you an idiot or scolds you for not listening to directions. She is the perfect driving companion.

She does have one shortcoming, however. She doesn't think; she only tells you what she's been told.

During our most recent trip to the east coast we told our GPS the address of an old friend in Annapolis, Maryland. We had an engagement in Delaware and thought it would be nice to visit her on our way back to New Jersey where we were staying, as we often do, at Jenny's mother's house. We typed in the right house address but the wrong town and, upon realizing our error, corrected it. No big deal. Our GPS girl (whom an acquaintance dubbed "Garmina") got us there, and we enjoyed our time with our friend, spending the night in her lovely home.

The next morning, I stumbled out of bed and my own internal GPS said, "GO FOR COFFEE!" I headed into town, certain I would find a Starbucks or something similar somewhere along the way. I drove a while and, before arriving in the heart of Annapolis, I hit heavy traffic. Frustrated, (and still coffeeless) I headed back the way I came. In the early morning pre-caffeine mental muddle, I overshot the street I thought led back to the house. Further frustrated, I stopped to turn the car around and...voila...directly in front of me was the green, white and black of a Starbucks sign! I sighed with excitement and whispered a little thank you heavenward for divine non-Garmin guidance.

With joy in my heart and a latte in my hand, I decided to let the GPS lead me, since I was unsure as to how to find my way back. I tapped and tapped until I found the proper address and started to drive, so proud of myself that I had figured out how to operate my new device and could count myself a citizen of the 21st century!

Garmina dutifully told me to turn right on a street, the name of which I recognized. So far so good. Then she directed me to a road I didn't recognize, but I figured she knew better and was taking me an alternate route. From there she led me to a freeway and, I have to admit, I started to wonder what she was thinking. One highway led to another...and another...and another...and before I knew it, what should have been a five minute drive had become a half hour journey with no end in sight. Needless to say I was not happy with my girl's decisions and I told her so! (She didn't respond.)

FINALLY...she told me I was arriving at my destination...and I did. Amazingly, it was the correct house number and street name...but the WRONG TOWN! Then I remembered. She was reading the pre-corrected information we had given her. She was only doing what she was told. I apologized to her for questioning her decisions, admitted my mistake, sheepishly punched in the post-corrected info, and away we went.

I was embarrassed and flustered and concerned that Jennifer was anxious as to my whereabouts (since I had not taken my cell phone.) To calm myself down I started to flip through radio stations, hoping to find something interesting. I went from one to another and as I did, I heard some music that sounded vaguely familiar. As I listened, a pleasant enough voice began singing: "You have shown me Your paths, Oh Lord. In Your presence is fullness of joy! In Your right hand are pleasures, in Your right hand are pleasures, in Your right hand are pleasures forevermore, pleasures forevermore!"

I was shocked! I exclaimed (to no one in particular), "That's my song! Who is singing my song? I never heard this before! Someone owes me money!! (Sorry about that last one...but I thought it.) Then I realized...IT WAS I WHO WAS SINGING! The song was "Pleasures Forevermore" from my first album, "I Call You Friend." I didn't recognize myself because, even though I've been writing, singing and recording for decades, I had NEVER heard myself on the radio! This was the first time...EVER!!

I continued to listen to the station, (which turned out to be "Family Radio"), and hurried back, hoping Jenny wasn't upset with me and reflecting on what had just occurred.

Had I not gotten lost, I would not have heard myself sing on the radio. I hope it doesn't sound self-indulgent but...I was kind of excited to hear it! In spite of a frustrating and confusing morning, I wondered if that incident had been the finger of the Lord, tapping me on my shoulder. I don't want to read too much into it but, sometimes I think He does that; just to let us know He's there...just to let us know we're not lost...at least not really!

Garmina succeeded in returning me to our friend's house. Jenny was, thankfully, still asleep. And, as I enjoyed my early morning latte, I quietly marveled at the thought that G-d could care enough about someone like me, that He would send me a delightful surprise out of nowhere...in the middle of nowhere! When I thought I was hopelessly lost...He let me know I was mercifully found! Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...(even when it comes through the radio.)

Or perhaps it was just a crazy, random coincidence. Who knows? Whatever the case, I know this: He DOES show me the path of life and in His presence is fullness of joy! My ride back to my friend's home was a joyful one and, when I related my tale to her, we had a good laugh.

As a matter of fact, I think we need to laugh more in general. We are not lost. He knows the way we take, even when we make mistakes and find ourselves in unfamiliar territory. It's good to have a GPS girl to help us when she can...but it is our G-d who will lead us home!!

Yours on the journey,

Marty